After a long hiatus

After a lengthy hiatus, I am back. How have I been these years?

We moved. From the sunnyisle to the downunder, deserted city called Perth. Two years passed now, and our journey continues. These two years were filled with transitions upon transitions, changes over changes, decisions within decisions. It is an overwhelming experience for the family.

BJ is 11 years old now. He is attending a mainstream school, but he has loads emotional issues. His skills are still behind.

We are a struggling family with few resources. We do not have enough to send him to OT/ST/social skills/sports. LIfe is tough, but we have to go on.

Back to Pathlight

After months (literally) of struggles, BJ will be back to Pathlight.

Why? Was it not a wish that we have always wanted, to integrate him into mainstream education?

I feel that I have to be answerable to many for a decision we made.

It was a selfish decision. However, I truly think that it is a good decision for now.

Come Back Kid

I am back, after two years of silence. BJ has grown into a boy. Still battling autism, but more communicative and loving.

The verdict after six months

Aiyah.... The verdict was passed today. BJ is not ready for mainstream.

My dream dashed for some moment. Even as I write this, my eyes are kinda teary, I am filled with a pent-up mixed emotions. To have someone tell you right in your face: "James is not ready for mainstream" came like almost, a death sentence.

The teachers are mainly concerned about his social communication skills, and his constant shutting down and withdrawal (hibernation).

Deep down, I know that perhaps BJ is not ready for mainstream yet. But to hear it from the HOD and class teacher was definitely unpleasant.

What shall I do? I cannot continue to indulge in self-pity. I am begininning to think that his autism is in fact moderately severe. And maybe that is just one reality that I have to psycho myself to accept.

Sigh, the road to acceptance is such long and winding....

Surprise Visit

I had a surprise visit from BJ yesterday.

He visited me at my office just before 6pm, after he went on a fishing trip with LJpa.

He talked to me for a while.

BJ: Mum, are you going home?
Me: No dear, I have to work late today. I will go home later.
BJ: But mum, you have to eat dinner.
Me: Yes, I will eat dinner later, alright? You go home first.
BJ: Mum, we [daddy, Lauren, and BJ] will miss you!
Me: Oh..... I know, I miss you too. Daddy is waiting, can you go home with Daddy now?

How sweet! I would not have expected this kind of conversation with BJ. That made my day. And now, I am really feeling very very guilty spending time away from the family doing my master's.

My Own journey

Much has been written about him, and his thoughts.

I realize tonight that if I were to go for therapy, my goal would be something like "how to bring BJ out without feeling anxious".

I felt really down when I brought BJ out. As he played with his peers, he just could not play with them. He played with himself, or lived in his "mickey playhouse" and reenacted every scene in that show.

My heart broke. No, more than that, my heart bled. My body began to experience an unknown fear, I could not let go. This is a journey less travelled. I thought I have somehow walked a good part of it. But i am wrong, I may only be at the beginning.

God, help me!

The days of young

BJ saw his new born photos for the very 1st time. At least, he recognised himself - the baby fresh from the womb, with umbilical cord attached....

Then, he had the most shocked, most horrified look on his face. He asked, "Why am I hurt in the picture? Got blood, and tummyache." And he started to cry.

Man, how to explain that? I tried my best, and told him that he would never have any blood and tummy like that in his life. But, again, he couldn't comprehend.

But, that's an experience to see your baby photo. Now I permanently hide his new born photos in the drawer.....

Transitions at Pathlight

Transitions are not easy.

Just heard from MR that BJ is throwing massive tantrums at home. However, MR did not tell us until tonight.

Was surprised to hear that. MR did not want BJ to cry, so she gave in to him and his requests.

Sounds like more child managing issues from the home front. May be MR should go for courses in managing children with autism.

Alright. Til I came up the solutions, I will work hard on managing his tantrums at home.

Macam stressful....

How was BJ's 1st Day of School

Many have asked this question. How was he on the first day of school?

Well, he was grumpy and sleepy. Then he warmed up. And it went well....

有图为证

Pathlight week

This week has been eventful....

He peed in his pants (again!!) on wednesday.

His pants were too loose that they started to slipped down his waist when he did gym on thursday. It was "jump, jump, pull up pants" sequence. (no photos)

Friday was racial harmony day. He wore his chinese boy outfit. He looked cute! Mummy made gui hua tang yuan（桂花汤圆) for him to bring to share with his friends. Mummy had her own Racial harmony day at Daybreak office, and so did Chilli Padi, where she wore a Spanish outfit and named it Eurasian.